remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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