I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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