Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
