My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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