i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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