OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
