girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm at about main and main street
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
