Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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