By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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