Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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