he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
