I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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