Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
