I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
