That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
