Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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