you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
