please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
