Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
