Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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