i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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