Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
