We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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