how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
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It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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