what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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