i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
