i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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