I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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