just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
