dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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