dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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