she woke up with a sticky ear
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up