How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?