I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.