It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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