is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem