In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
