i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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