You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
