we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
