best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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