Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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