I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
