It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize