No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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