1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
