i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
