Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i drank out of a bidet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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