I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
