your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
they need to just BURY HIM!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
