Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
