Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
