please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
