U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
