I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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