His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
