You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't turn off my feet"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
