3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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