I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
