I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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