i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
