Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It all started with a game of naked twister.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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