I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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