I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
