Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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