don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
