My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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