Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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