You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
