He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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