so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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