By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
