I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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