you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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