Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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