it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
