Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
