East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
