Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
