All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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