i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
