Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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