Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
