my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
